Thursday, February 23, 2017


In the name of Allah.

" She can get thru hardships. Heartbreak. Ended friendships. Dysfunctional family fights. 

Whenever the world hurts her, she fakes a smile and keeps on going as if nothing happened. As if she's perfectly fine. As if her heart is unbreakable.

She looks strong. But she doesn't feel strong. She feels like she's living a lie, like everyone gives her more credit than she deserves.

After all, everybody only thinks she's strong, because they see a single side of her. They see her during the day, when she has enough energy to pretend. But they son't see her at night, alone in her bedroom, when she's too worn out to outrun her problems. 

She never lets anyone catch her when she's vulnerable. 

When she has the urge to cry, she pushes the tears away until she has a chance to escape to the bathroom to let the water flow. When she's upset, she'll make up an excuse to cancel off her plans, so no one realizes that she's acting off. And when she has a mental breakdown, she doesn't text her friends about it or post a status on media social. She suffers in silence. 

She doesn’t see the point in sharing her misery. Her friends consider her the funny one. The bubbly one. The problem solver.They come to her with their issues. They expect her to know what to do. They expect her to have her shit together.
So she nods and offers consolation when they complain about their near-perfect lives, even though she wants to scream that they don’t know what real problems are. That she’s dealing with something a million times worse.
But she doesn’t let herself explode. She listens. She understands. She tries to be a good friend.
And when she’s in public, when people are around, it’s not all that hard to put her problems aside. She’s gotten used to it.
But the second she gets in her car, the second she’s out of view of the rest of the world, all of her problems come crashing down around her.
She hates long drives alone in the car, just as much as she hates midnight thoughts. She hates being stuck in her own mind — because it’s a dangerous place.
It’s a place where she’s convinced she’s behind in life. She’s unsuccessful. She’s ugly. She’s stupid. 
Even though she looks strong, even though she is strong, her fears won’t leave her alone. They follow her home every night, into her bedroom, into her dreams.
And they make her feel small. Worthless. Useless.
She hates that the rest of the world sees her as one thing, as a beautiful independent woman, while she sees herself as something else entirely. As a fake.
She doesn’t realize that she’s as strong as iron, because she keeps going. She’s strong, because she still has hope. She’s strong, because she’s capable of smiling through the pain.
She’s strong, because she’s still alive, even though she’s witnessed how cruel this world can be. ''

Thursday, January 19, 2017


In the name of Allah.


It has been such a extreme bumpy and shaky year for me. I breathe the past 365 days with struggles deep in my soul. And at certain times, life had a death-grip on my heart .Yet, I survived through some of the hardest phase in my life.

Those period when it comes to a point where all of em' gets too much that I overly drained and blackout that almost makes me raising white flag. Strolled around with patch full of pain. Every fight was a struggle that I refused to swallow.

However, as bad as it was, as bad as it hurt, I stand up and grab it by the throat to chew up and spit it out.

I believe that there's must be reasons for all these happened.

After all, "the strongest people have a past filled with chaos, heart break and disappointment".

And, always turn back to Him. Still, 2016 was a blissful year of me. Alhamdullilah.

Today,thanks to Him and a few good people, I'm more stronger and wiser.

Tuesday, May 19, 2015


You gotta put the past behind you before you can move on
-         - Forest Gump, 1994

‘ Yes, life is hard.
Kau jatuh.
Apa yang kau idamkan terkubur.

Tapi you know what,
Terima dan redha apa yang terjadi.
Tu a part of living.

InshaAllah hari ini kau sedih
Tapi kalau kau pilih untuk bangkit semula.
Ketika itu kau lihat segala cabaran yang
Kau terima bukan untuk menjatuhkan
Tapi untuk buat kau lebih bangun
Dan kau rasa lebih hidup ketika itu.

Jangan rasa rebah
Jangan menangis

Kau masih jauh perjalanan
Dan Dia telaj takdirkan kau untuk ada
Kehidupan yang lebih cantik jalan ceritanya

Moga ini bantu kau
Untuk senyum

Untuk capai bahagia yang kau cari ‘

Saturday, April 4, 2015


In the name of Allah.

Jatuh lagi aku buat sekian kalinya.

Lemahnya aku setelah sekian lamanya.

Menangis lagi aku di malam malam harinya.


Dihari hari aku jatuh, aku berterima kasih pada yang menemani dan hadir.

Tak kira lah dari yang hanya hadir demi menyedapkan hati hingga pada yang terus berdiri disisi sehingga hari ini.

Sepuluh jari aku mohon maaf pada yang terkena tempias busuknya diri ini namun masih disisi.

Moga Allah merahmati dan membalas budi . 


In the name of Allah.

It’s been so long since the last update huh?
Struggling with life.  That’s all I can say.

Here's a story on one fine day,

“Tak penat ke tolong orang ?” Tanya satu suara pada suatu hari.


“Tak. Seronok”

“ Apa yang seronok ? People just so gonna take for granted on you”

Biarlah. Pertolongan aku tak mengharapkan balasan dan apa apa. Tolong orang dah cukup bagi aku kepuasan. It makes me feel more happy to see those people cheering up again, having their smile back and happy. Aku cukup bahagia.

Biarlah orang nak mengata setiap pertolongan yang aku hulurkan. Biarlah orang nak salah anggap dengan aku. Pesan mama, janji kita dan Allah tahu apa kita buat dan niat. Orang datang, aku dengar dan bagi sehabis dan semampu aku. Pertolongan aku tak berat sebelah kawan. If you need me, here am always here dude.

Kawan aku musuh aku. Musuh aku kawan aku. Silakan.

“ Dengan semua orang kau baik, dengan semua orang kau tolong. Banyak sangat kawan kau ni” ( Abah, 2015)

“ Baguslah tu, hari ni kita tolong orang, esok lusa orang tolong kita” ( Mama, 2015)

Senyum lagi.

Mama and abah, anak mamabah jadi macam ni sebab mamabah juga. Terima kasih mamabah besarkan anak mamabah ni dengan baik.

Terima kasih.

Saturday, November 29, 2014


In the name of Allah.

Life get tougher , isn't it ?

Well life is this big fat gigantic stinking mess but there's the beauty of it too. Yeah can't deny it.
But somehow i'm too worn out to face all these shits.

People won't like you even you're being yourself. They still gonna judge you. For whatever you are. People will keep bad mouthing even your own bestfriend. So, what's to be dumbfounded then, huh ? Sigh.

Lately, I choose to smile instead of talking. I choose to be alone and doesn't feel like to mingle around with the others as huh i don't know. Negatives thought do kill me. Like seriously. Be proud if I choose to tell you what's is spinning on my mind. As I started to not trust people anymore.

Yeah, its kinda hard for me to keep silent as I'm kinda a hyperactive person. Well, that's the only way for not get hurt. Be tough dearself .

Tuesday, October 28, 2014


In the name of Allah.

Again. I can't stand this feeling. 

I'm sorry. High standard or high class people never were my favourite. Because I knew where I stand, I knew where I belong and I knew my limits. 

I've been too fragile lately. Kinda hate this kind of feeling but I just can't avoid it.

But I know I have Him, I have my family, I have my homies .

Dear people, you're such a jerk to do those kind of things. I get sicked whenever I heard you guys name. Please, do get a life. Never bother us again. Like ever. 

Ya Allah, do take care of my family as I'm far away from them. 

" Whatever misfortune happens to you is because of things your hands have wrought, and for many (of them) He grants forgiveness. (42; 30)

Akan ada orang yang gembira dan senang melihat saat kejatuhan dan kesakitan yang kamu alami kerana bagi mereka itu adalah saat kemenangan bagi diri mereka. 

P/s : Just stay strong